July 24, 2011


Have you ever noticed how impossible it is to have an adult conversation with people who have small children?
Oh, it starts out all right, but then:
“Tommy!  Stop it!”
“So, as I was saying, I think the issue of soft money could be resolved by…”
“Excuse me.  Jennifer, take your finger out of your nose!  NOW, young lady!  I’m sorry, you were saying?”
“I was talking about abortion…”
“Tommy, now you just put that back right this minute!   I’m sorry.  What was that?”
“I mentioned how much in favor I am of trying children as adults…”
“Jennifer!  Don’t you DARE put that gum in Tommy’s hair!  I’m sorry.  Please continue.”
“On the subject of birth control…”
“Right!  Tommy!  Come here and blow your nose!  That’s disgusting!”
“As I was saying, about drowning children at birth…”
“Jennfier, if you don’t behave, young lady, we’re going home!  I really mean it this time!”
“But if people do choose to reproduce, I think the kids should be sent to concentra…”
“Tommy, don’t pull Jennifer’s hair!  That’s not nice!”
“Alternatively, you could keep the kids and euthanize the parents…”
“OK, kids, that’s it.  We’re going home.  You’re both driving me crazy!  Bye, Carson.  It was so nice talking with you.  I don’t get much of a chance for a good talk with another adult these days. Let’s get together again soon, OK?”
Sure.  When Satan skates to work.


  1. My what interesting topics come up in your conversations. Sorry to say, those ideas are not all that unusual in my experience. But usually they were coming from the person who had the kids instead of the other way around.

  2. Hilarious! Even though I have children of my own, I've often thought of those concepts for other people. And I tried never to torture my childless friends with my monsters!