June 16, 2015


I worked in the pet trade years ago, and came away from the experience with a ‘pet peeve.’
New dog ‘breeds.’
You’ve all heard of the Labradoodle.  This is a cross between a Poodle and a Labrador Retriever.  When this ‘breed’ was newly-minted in Australia at the Tegan Ranch, the progeny sold for $1500 to $2500!
Not a bad price for a mutt…and that’s what these puppies are. 
But folks used to come to the pet shop daily with their noses in the air over these mongrels.  Now don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against mutts—they make terrific pets, they are smart, and they have many fewer health problems than the purebreds.  But for these affluent upper-classers to ponce around with their noses in the air over a three-thousand-dollar puppy that they could have had for around fifty bucks at a local shelter makes me think that the money would have been better invested in brain transplants.
As an enterprising citizen, I have decided to cash in on this disposal of discretionary income that only P.T. Barnum could have devised.
I am going to create my own breeds, too.
Here are my new Poodle crosses, as well as a few others to be on the lookout for come next spring:
Great Poo—A Great Dane/Poodle cross.  The name sums up what he will leave on your lawn.
Cockadoodle—Poodle/rooster cross.  Must be fed promptly at dawn.
 Shoobedoobedoodle—Poodle/Frank Sinatra cross.  Has questionable business associates and blue eyes, but at least it’s hypoallergenic.
Kittenkaboodle—Poodle/cat cross.  Smart enough to do tricks, but refuses to.
Hungarian Pukei—Interesting looking dog with a sensitive stomach.  Eats freeze-dried Pepto Bismol.
French Chihuahua—usually seen around Taco Bell, turning up its nose at the food because the proper wine isn’t being served with it.
English Sheepdoodle—Sheepdog/Poodle cross.  Herds circus performers.
Saint Limberger—foul-smelling dog that revives unconscious skiers by breathing on them.
Pugoodle—Pug/Poodle cross.  A small feisty dog that punches itself out for looking like a sissy.  White curly coat, black eyes.
Schipperkoodle—Schipperke/Poodle cross. A small, irritating dog that lives way too long.
Bagel—a small hound plagued with yeast infections.
Pit Poodle—Pit Bull/Poodle cross.  A small fighting dog that slaps its adversary into submission, then runs him over, pushing a gaily-decorated wagon full of cats while balancing a ball on his nose.
Am I going to make a fortune, or what?

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