Vultureville,
ARK – Bubba Joville, a colorful local resident, has come up with an unorthodox
way of making a little extra cash in these trying economic times.
He is selling
his spit.
When
questioned about the success of his new venture, Joville replied, “I thought I
might be able to make a little sellin’ to folks who are too old to spit, but
the thing really took off. Never
expected nothin’ like this!”
Joville said
he ever realized the many uses for saliva until he started his company, called,
simply, “Hwwark.” And what do people
need all this extra spit for?
“The young’uns
buy it fer makin’ spitballs, or just t’straight out spit it at each other. Mothers buy it to have a supply to wash their
young’un’s faces with. Middle age folks
buy it fer sealin’ envelopes, fer usin’ on their fingers to get those goddamn
cheap plastic bags open at the grocery store to bag up that leakin’ chicken,
fer shinin’ their shoes, or fer sendin’ in the direction of the politician of
their choice. Been gettin’ huge orders
fer that last.
Joville is
also doing his best to improve the lives of others by hiring on twenty-two
employees. “I just cain’t keep up with
the orders m’self. I’m only good for about
a quart a day, but the younger help I got can go a gallon or more.” He achieves maximum production with his
version of aromatherapy.
“I jes’ keep a
grill going out back and pump the cookin’ smells inside. Nothin’ like the smell of slow roasted squirrel
to get those ol’ boys to spitting for all they’re worth.”
Wal-Mart has
expressed an interest in Joville’s product for use on their employees. At this time, negotiations appear promising,
and would provide the cash infusion Joville requires to move to his business
out of his parents’ garage and into a larger facility in downtown Vultureville,
next to the Post Office.
Joville’s long
range plan is to go public within the next year, and unlike the rest of the
stock market, his stock really will be worth spit.
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