Vultureville, ARK – Bubba Joville, a colorful local resident, has come up with an unorthodox way of making a little extra cash in these trying economic times.
He is selling his spit.
When questioned about the success of his new venture, Joville replied, “I thought I might be able to make a little sellin’ to folks who are too old to spit, but the thing really took off. Never expected nothin’ like this!”
Joville said he ever realized the many uses for saliva until he started his company, called, simply, “Hwwark.” And what do people need all this extra spit for?
“The young’uns buy it fer makin’ spitballs, or just t’straight out spit it at each other. Mothers buy it to have a supply to wash their young’un’s faces with. Middle age folks buy it fer sealin’ envelopes, fer usin’ on their fingers to get those goddamn cheap plastic bags open at the grocery store to bag up that leakin’ chicken, fer shinin’ their shoes, or fer sendin’ in the direction of the politician of their choice. Been gettin’ huge orders fer that last.
Joville is also doing his best to improve the lives of others by hiring on twenty-two employees. “I just cain’t keep up with the orders m’self. I’m only good for about a quart a day, but the younger help I got can go a gallon or more.” He achieves maximum production with his version of aromatherapy.
“I jes’ keep a grill going out back and pump the cookin’ smells inside. Nothin’ like the smell of slow roasted squirrel to get those ol’ boys to spitting for all they’re worth.”
Wal-Mart has expressed an interest in Joville’s product for use on their employees. At this time, negotiations appear promising, and would provide the cash infusion Joville requires to move to his business out of his parents’ garage and into a larger facility in downtown Vultureville, next to the Post Office.
Joville’s long range plan is to go public within the next year, and unlike the rest of the stock market, his stock really will be worth spit.