September 20, 2013


Does anyone see the point of tongue twisters?  Who thought this stuff up, Torquemada?  It’s enough to send any grade school student straight down the path to a life of crime:  “Why did you hang that entire family up by their toes?”  “Because I have Post Traumatic Peter Piper Syndrome.”  His mother visits him on Death Row every Thursday, and it’s all because of tongue twisters!
“How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?”
Who cares?  And what the hell is a woodchuck, anyway?  And does it chuck wood?  And if so, why?  If not, then there’s no point in speculating, is there?
“Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers, a peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked.”
Not only is this redundant, but how it is possible to pick peppers that are already pickled?  Peter Piper should lay off the sauce.
“She sells sea shells by the seashore.”
Then “she” must be an idiot.  Anyone can walk down the beach and pick them up for free.  “She” should get a real job, and stop annoying the sunbathers.
“Rubber baby buggy bumpers.”
Are we discussing rubber babies or rubber bumpers?  And are the bumpers on the pram or are they infested with insects?  Or is the baby full of bugs?  This makes about as much sense as the fortune cookie I got last week.
 “Moses supposes his toes-es are roses, but Moses supposes erroneously.  Moses, he knowses his toes-es aren’t roses, as Moses supposes his toes-es to be.”
And this is the guy God chose to deliver the Ten Commandments?  He sounds more like a pathetically confused gardener!  There should have been and 11th Commandment:  “Thou shalt not talk drivel!”
So, in conclusion, you can keep your woodchucks, sea shells, pickled peppers, bumpers, and roses.
I am now going to untie my tongue and put it to better use on an ice cream cone.



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