June 14, 2013


Glendale Community College just sent me their yearly schedule for Adult Education night courses, despite my best efforts to stop them. For those of you unfamiliar with this, it’s a course offering that no one on the outside of a lunatic asylum would be remotely interested in exploring. However, the fees are reasonable, so Adult Education remains a popular way of allowing folks my age and older to go out and make fools or hospital patients of themselves by dabbling in such things as knife throwing, juggling, and unicycle racing . . . affordably.

I’d like to share with you this year's course offering . . . maybe you’ll want to sign up. Maybe you'll want to sign up your neighbor with the drum set and take out a large insurance policy on him . . .

Knitting Your Way to Regularity
Human Skin Collages
Watercolors—Your Key to Desert Survival
Building Your Own Home from Recycled Ivory Snow Containers and      Construction Paper
Ignoring Your Spouse with Paper Mache 

Rappelling for City Dwellers
Push-up Bras and Your Health
Aerobics and the Bible
Volcano Rollerblading
Wheelchair Karate
Weight Training with Used Cars
Your Hernia and You

NEW AGE (yes, it’s still with us!)/PARANORMAL
Edible Trees
Organic Dancing
Shamanic Drumming to Annoy Your Neighbors
Healing with Mulch
Exploring Haunted Cesspools
Beadwork and the Zen of Bleeding
Recycling Finger Cymbals and Fringe
Your Inner Child:  An Excuse for Everything 

New York City Parades
An Evening with Mahmoud Ahmadinejad
Marriage to Tom Cruise
A Chris Farley Movie Marathon
Shopping at Toys R Us the Day After Thanksgiving 

Russian Literature and Depression
Running in Place in Sixteen Easy Steps
Advanced Running in Place
Assault Weapons – Your Shortcut to Mental Health
Handy Household Uses for Phlegm 

Dog House Construction with Back Issues of The National Enquirer
Teaching Your Parrot to Shut the Fuck Up
Housebreaking Your Rattlesnake
Cute Tarantula Tricks
Feral Cat Herding in Las Vegas (field trip included)
SCRABBLE for Ferrets 

Nuclear Microwaving
Creating a Clam Bake in Your Hot Tub
Canning and Preserving Tropical Fish
Pork Sushi
Chicken Tartare
Flamethrowers and Quick Searing





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